So, what is my purpose? Yea, yea, I make a decent living. I bring yoga and pilates to people, I work for an amazing doctor, I have a great family, good froves. I have my MFA in creative writing, I wrote a novel, I'm in two bands, I'm learning Polish, my music single is about to be released (shameless plug www.facebook.com/tonirosemusic) but why is it that NONE of that makes me feel like I have purpose? If I died tomorrow, would any of this matter? So I pray for my single to hit #1, my book to become published. But then I wonder, is that really going to bring me the sense of purpose that I desire? If I had a #1 single, would I suddenly have purpose in my life? People all over America singing my tune, and suddenly, I matter. I don’t think it works that way.
What is it then that really gives us purpose? Love? Family? I have no husband, no children. Everyone around me is married, having babies, buying homes, etc. I feel like they have purpose. But then today, my friend posted on facebook that being married and having a house doesn’t give her INDIVIDUAL purpose. And I realized; she’s right. For some, children might bring you purpose, but what if you don’t have or don’t want children? Even if you do, what about what you do YOURSELF, not who you love or who you take care of, but what YOU bring to the WORLD. Not all of us can change the universe; but what can we do to make ourselves feel like better people?
Most of the people I know who do feel like they have a sense of purpose, are very religious. They do volunteer work, donate money, etc. But does that give them purpose or are they really just trying to make up for something else? When I was with my ex-boyfriend, I went to church every single week, donated a shit load of money. I volunteered with him to do stuff for the church, etc. And I felt great about it. But when I think of it, I never really had strong feelings for the RELGION. What I did have strong feelings for, what I did believe in with all my heart, was the sense of community I had gained through the church, and the love that I had for him. But since we broke up 3 years ago, I have not set foot in a church. So, no I don’t think being religious is what gives us purpose or makes us good people.
If you wake up every day and you hate what you do, if you can’t find an ounce of goodness in it, then do something about it. Maybe not today, but set a deadline. Tell yourself you’ll give it another year there, while you search for something that perhaps will make you feel like you have more of a purpose in this life. In the end, I think it’s being selfless that makes us have a sense of purpose. But if being selfless satisfies our sense of purpose, than was it ever really selfless?
This is what I'll be thinking of on my birthday, as I gorge on my penne vodka and ice cream cake. Then again, after my third glass of wine, I probably won't give a fuck. But as of now, here’s my take on it: Do shit that you feel good about. Help people if you can. Start up something that you believe in. If you believe in what you are doing, THAT is your purpose. If you believe helping the homeless, go volunteer at a soup kitchen. If you believe in your job, if you believe it brings something positive to people, there is your purpose. If you believe in S & M, hey, maybe you can find a way to show the world the goodness it brings to people. ;)
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www.myspace.com/splitcase
www.experienceregneration.com
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ReplyDeleteHaving been there for the last three terrible birthdays, i can vouch that they have been in fact, terrible. hey, did i bring bad luck? I've been around a few more years than toni (old fart) and i can honestly say, that finding happiness and your purpose has to be what we are here for. if you did wake up and find your purpose tomorrow, where does that leave you? you'd be pretty damn bored for the remainder of your life. i think you always need to be in the search of something to keep your sanity. it's why i personally believe billionares jump out of windows. they have everything they want at their fingertips, there's nothing more to strive for, nothing to live for, no purpose. having everything can do the opposite for you, than thinking it will solve everything. what would you wake up for if you had no goal? it's the reason we get of bed and out of the house and do jobs that some of us don't care for. because we know that working will bring money and money can buy you things you want, but not everything. sometimes we need the struggle so that we can enjoy the little victories. this year, a quarter century into life, will be good.
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